School! Already?!

As I tried to fall asleep last night, it occurred to me that today my baby will be starting Young 5’s.  I know that I should be thrilled with the all the “free” time heading my way, and I’m sure that I will find being alone four afternoons a week will allow me the potential to move mountains, but I have to tell you, my heart is heavy; there’s a lump in my throat.

For twenty years now, I’ve spent my days with my little ones.  From shopping to napping, there’s always been someone with me.  I’ve lost Ellynne in Woodland mall, found Charlie standing in a puddle of ice water in his brand new shoes, forgot that I’d left Madelyn strapped into her baby seat in the kitchen while I was out looking for her older sibs, and read “The Seven Silly Eaters” and “Weekend with Wendell”  seemingly backward and forward.  Chicken nuggets, macaroni and cheese, spaghettios, and peanut butter and jelly- what else is there?

I was thankful, last year, that Naomi’s birthday fell in December, this allowed me to push off preschool for another year.  When we visited her classroom last Monday, I felt her little hand grasping mine, a little more tightly than usual; I didn’t mind.  School will be good for her, I know that she’ll love Mrs. Bazen and the opportunity to make some little friends of her own.

I think that part of my reluctance to move forward here, has to do with the change that has occurred in our lives during the last few years.  As we struggle to provide for our family from day to day, I feel like I just haven’t had the time to give to my sweet little girl.  I look forward to sitting in church on Sunday evenings, when she climbs up on my lap and rests her head on my shoulder.  So often, Each morning, when Sam or Naomi wake up, they quietly walk up behind me and wrap their arms around me, resting their heads on the small of my back.  I reach back and wrap my arm around their backs, longing to sit down on the couch and snuggle with them.  It’s truly humbing to see how happy they are to receive the smallest bits of time I’m able to give them!

I know that my young mom friends will read this in the midst of diapers, teething, and tantrums and roll their eyes.  I keep telling them that these busy times will be gone in the blink of an eye- they usually just shake their heads in disbelief.  It’s true though, I can’t believe this chapter in my life is gently coming to a close- and my chapter has been longer than most!   I’m taking comfort in the fact that Young 5’s is only 4 afternoons a week- once the markets are finished; it’s snuggle time on the couch!